Archive for August, 2013

Just Stop…

 Watermelon Mint

I realized that, as a society, we’ve gotten a bit too liberal in terms of acceptable fruit-mint combinations.  This is out of control.  I blame Obamacare…


Words I Realized: Gornoggs


gornoggs [gohr-nogs], n – a gastrointestinal phenomenon wherein one’s bowel movement feels incomplete, as though there is still a substantial amount of feces remaining somewhere inside the dark recesses of one’s colon

I really hate when this happens.  There’s something truly unsettling about dedicating time to defecation, only to feel like you’ve only partially gotten the job done, like only 70-75% of the total turd volume came out.  It’s especially gross because, now, that extra feces is going to fester and rot inside me for days, potentially.  Ewww, right?  It also makes me feel bad about the caliber of my intestines, like I’ve got dumb, losery bowels.  I mean, what kind of man can’t even push out all his doodie in one go, nahmsayin?  In an ideal world, I’d get all of it out in one sitting… or, rather, one SHITTING.  Get it?!?  You see, it’s funny because of a pun involving the words ‘sitting’ and ‘shitting.’  I’m the best.

I had gornoggs this morning, and I’m not particularly happy about it.

Wait, gornoggs?? I don’t get it… Can you explain?


Special Thanks To Natalie Boss for naming this disgusting phenomenon, following ample personal experience with it.

%d bloggers like this:
Skip to toolbar