Archive for November, 2015

Regarding Glutenmania

gluten-free body wash

There are, indeed, many individuals who genuinely experience allergic or inflammatory reactions to products containing gluten, and if you are one of those people, it makes sense to adopt a gluten-free diet.

That being said, I strongly recommend that you — gluten-free body wash shopper — consider reducing how much body wash you eat on a daily basis.  I’m not a licensed digestion or nutrition expert, but the persistent gastrointestinal discomfort you’ve been experiencing is probably due to excessive body wash intake, not gluten.  So, like, maybe body wash is the main thing that makes your belly hurt and should be completely eliminated from your diet, starting today.

Now, what you decide about eating bread, pasta, and other gluten paraphernalia going forward is up to you and your bowels…



Some Planets Make Better Juice Names Than Others…

venus and uranus crpd


The next time someone tells you to have a nice, warm glass of shut-the-hell-up, you should tell him to have an ice-cold bottle of cold-pressed Uranus.



Cocktail Houring Like A Champion

ditching food at cocktail hour

She waits patiently in the periphery, carefully examining each potential landing spot for her food garbage.

She’s moving in.

“Don’t mind me — I’m just going to discard a few of my freshly-chewed lamb chop bones on this here tablecloth,” thought Gloria, as she delicately placed down another partially-eaten bone on the table, making it a clean half-dozen.

But now what—does she just walk away casually? Say nothing? Maybe she should just own it. You know, be very much up-front with the folks at that table, telling them straight that she’s just there to unload six loose lamb chop bones.

Let’s be real, though… we’ve all done it. I did it at my Uncle Charlie’s. Walked right up to a man and boldly placed my pesto-stained plate with a staggering pile of shrimp tails right next to his rum-and-diet while he was mid-conversation. Then I went back to business. Got me some cold motherfuckin’ sesame noodles.

Special thanks to Slurz & Adam for this lambchop selfie.


%d bloggers like this:
Skip to toolbar