A Germophobe’s Guide To Handling Life: The Coffee Shop Coffee Lid Technique

Seriously? You really think I’m gonna use the top lid from the stack for my coffee? The one that’s been shielding all the other lids from the dangers of breathable air? You’re literally delusional if you think I’m gonna put my delicious, disease-free lips around the mouth hole of a lid that’s been exposed to dangerous infiltrations of sputum and sputum-like materials.

I mean, really! The guy with the lisp is standing right over there and with each word he utters, his thick, moist upper-lip is propelling saliva-infested foamy milk all over these here lids. You think I’m gonna take the one that’s been absorbing all of that? No! I’m peeling back a few lids, son! I’m going at least six lids deep for added freshness. You know, to the one that hasn’t been tainted by lispy spit-milk.

What, like you’re so perfect?


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