Previous Posts - Clothing Mishaps

Words I Realized: Crunga

crunga [kruhn-guh], n – the phenomenon wherein one’s big toe pokes completely through one’s sock

In my not-far-from-thirty years on this planet, personally, I’ve never seen a woman experience this.  Either they’ve got less aggressive toenails than men, or they just generally take much better care of themselves, i.e. purchasing new socks every once in a while.  It’s gotta be the latter, right?  Even in the unlikely event that a lady’s toe did penetrate the soft, velvety cotton of her socks, she’d probably have the common sense to change those socks immediately.  Because, come on, this dude looks ridiculous and flat-out sloppy.  Time to throw those away, buddy.  I know they’re your favorite argyle socks, which are soooooooo in right now, but have some self-respect.  Plus, your toe has got to be freezing.  Look at it, all unprotected and exposed, falling victim to whatever elements are present in the environment…

Fritz was delighted to find that his lovely and caring fiancé, Wanda, had replaced his old, nasty, haggard socks (which had become that way due to crunga, specifically).

Wait, crunga?? I don’t get it… Can you explain?


Words I Realized: Harbitulo

Harbitulo [har-bih-too-loh], n – a piece of necktie that sticks out from underneath a man’s collar

Awww… that poor goofy idiot doesn’t even realize his tie is sticking out.  He’s walking around the office with that smug look, thinking he’s all that, smiling his goofy, idiotic smile at people.  I just wanna be like, “Dude, your fucking tie is sticking out,” but I’m enjoying this.  It’s hilarious.  Why ruin such a simple pleasure?  I mean, if it were me, I guess I’d want someone to let me know that I was embarrassing myself with a spectacularly sizeable harbitulo.  Look at that thing!  He might as well go ahead and un-tuck one side of his shirt while he’s at it.  But at least he’s not this guy.

Immediately before he went on the air, news anchor James Keathings was saved from public disgrace as a production assistant corrected his harbitulo, allowing the collar of his crisp white shirt to cover the entirety of his red, silk power tie.

Wait, harbitulo?? I don’t get it… Can you explain?


Words I Realized: Prigg

Prigg [prig], n – a strip that separates itself from the bottom of a pant leg; most commonly denim

It keeps getting wet and sandy when I go outside, but it is what it is.  I guess it’s just Mother Nature’s way of hemming my pants.  But what to do with it… therein lies the question.  Do I cut it off with a scissor or let it detach organically?  I clearly can’t just rip the prigg off the jeans, because then I’m gonna peel away the entire centimeter-wide stitched hem at the end and be left with a rugged, uneven pant bottom.  But could that look any worse than this?

Not wanting to be made fun of for his prigg, Duffy inconspicuously tucked the segment of rogue denim into his shoe.  

Wait, prigg?? I don’t get it… Can you explain?


If I Keep Pointing At The Board, Maybe No One Will Notice

Yes, it’s my fault that I leaned up against the sink in the bathroom, but you were the one who refused to push this meeting back by 10 minutes.  Ten minutes.  Is that so much?  I could have stuck my pants under the hand dryer and then given my presentation on The Economy without this horizontal line of sink water diverting your attention away from my insights (and toward my groin).

What, you don’t believe me?  I promise you this is not urine.  I’m one to admit when I’ve peed myself, but this is not one of those times.  Seriously!  How would I even urinate that pattern onto myself?  It would have to be on purpose, and why would I do that to myself right before my big presentation on The Economy?


Yeah… You Shouldn’t Bend Like That Anymore

I realized I just saw my boss’s belly.  Great.


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