March 12th, 2012
Blake & Matt
“I sure could go for a change of pace right now,” thought Anfernee, halfway through a seminar. “Crossing my leg would really hit the spot.”
He tries to cross his leg the normal casual way, but his long-ass legs will not cooperate. It’s possible that this auditorium was designed for hobbits. Anfernee has already kicked the guy in front of him twice, and not by choice. A precarious situation, indeed. Note the sweaty brow. He’s working hard here. Kinda looks like he’s making the “Reaching for your Wallet” Face… but don’t be fooled. This is NOT the “Reaching for your Wallet” Face. Just a human being using his arms to try to manually cross his leg.
I imagine Anfernee needs to use this technique pretty often, like at a restaurant, for example. He can’t just be recklessly flailing his leg into a crossed position because he’ll probably wind up kicking the bottom of the table by accident. Loud noise, spilled drinks, broken hearts. So he leans back, grabs that ankle, and then slowly eases his stringbean-like leg into a comfy cross. Aaahhhhhhhhh, sensational. Go Anfernee.
June 17th, 2011
Blake & Matt
To our shorter friends, it might seem like being tall is all smiles… seeing over people’s heads at concerts, touching ceilings just cause you felt like it, etc. Well, I’m about to rock your world, soul brother. In the world of public restrooms, shorter people reign supreme.
I’d love to be able to enter a stall and have free reign to do as I please anonymously, as my shorter brethren do. But alas, this is not the case. Right from the moment I enter the stall, it’s like I’m on stage, for all the urinators and hand washers to see. And I can’t even enjoy an unabashed stand-up wipe. Seriously. I’d immediately be branded a stand-up wiper for the rest of my days. I may even miss out on a raise or promotion. I mean, could you really take a stand-up wiper seriously?
Unfortunately, the options are rather limited: I can do the more traditional sitting wipe, but that’s just crazy… or I can own it and boldly deliver a stand-up wipe. And if I happen to end up making eye contact with my boss or my rabbi, life goes on. Nothing to see here – just a tall guy, fearlessly executing a stand-up wipe. A stand-up wipe for a stand-up guy. Or girl.