Previous Posts - Quickies

Some Planets Make Better Juice Names Than Others…

venus and uranus crpd

 

The next time someone tells you to have a nice, warm glass of shut-the-hell-up, you should tell him to have an ice-cold bottle of cold-pressed Uranus.

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Attn: Twitter Community (URGENT)

past tense

Grammar question — Is twat the past tense of the verb ‘tweet’?

If not, can we make it so, effective immediately?  We look forward to hearing from you.  In fact, we are anxiously awaiting your response, Twitter folks.

 

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Okay, I Have A Few Questions About The Specifics…

AA and Chinese videos

For starters, when you say “African-American & Chinese videos,” do you mean both African-American and, separately, Chinese videos are for sale at this establishment or, rather, that you exclusively sell videos that are jointly African-American & Chinese (as is slightly suggested by the choice of ‘&’ in lieu of the word ‘and’)?

As a follow-up question, I’d also like to inquire as to your selection of hybrid African-American/Chinese films.  Please advise.

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I’m Sorry, What Did You Say The Author’s Last Name Is?

author name

I realized it’s never too late to consider using a pseudonym… (Attn: Carla)

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The Island So Nice They Mentioned It Twice…

 

 

LI Alzheimers Assoc of LI

 

Apparently, however, community group names are not subject to the New York State Redundancy Rules.

NOTE:  We at WhatIRealized sincerely apologize if it turns out that the person who named this organization is actually suffering from Alzheimer’s and simply forgot that he/she had already included “L.I.” at the beginning of the name.

(We acknowledge that, if hell exists, we may be headed there…)

 

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What’s The Polar Opposite Of Appetizing?

dump cakes 2

 

Nothing, and I mean nothing, about the title of this cookbook (or its slogan printed at the bottom) makes me willing to even consider buying a copy.  The sad thing is, the cherry-crumble-type dessert depicted on the cover actually appears very yummy… but all of that appeal instantaneously goes out the window once I know it’s called a “dump cake.”  You need to rename the shit out of this book, immediately.  Like today, if possible.  Have some self-respect…

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That’s So Meta…

Meta-Labeling

Meta-labeling… Redundant?  Perhaps.  Necessary?  Absolutely.  Really?  No.

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I’m Not Sure I’m Properly Trained For This

circumstella1

I realized that certain beers need to be circumcised prior to consumption.

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Coolest Doctor Name Ever

especialista

Soooooooooooooo, I guess this gentleman specializes in general medicine?

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What Do You Think They Sell?

christ

Yup, this shop is totally gonna make the name Christ famous…

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Autocorrect Is So Adorable Sometimes

buttonholes NEW

Yup, that’s it.  You nailed it, Autocorrect.  This person is totally getting ready to finger some buttonholes.  Good catch.

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eBook Shaming (Tough Love)

Intentionally Blank

Don’t brag about intentionally leaving the page blank if it requires you to make that announcement on the allegedly blank page.  I’m legitimately concerned you don’t actually know what a blank page is.

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Just Stop…

 Watermelon Mint

I realized that, as a society, we’ve gotten a bit too liberal in terms of acceptable fruit-mint combinations.  This is out of control.  I blame Obamacare…

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Silica Gel Tried To Murder Me

Silica Gel and black pepper

 If I’m not supposed to eat this, why does it look exactly like a packet of black pepper?  Whoever’s in charge of this particular product needs to spend less time walking around saying, “Do not eat” (as the quotation marks indicate) and more time designing a silica gel packet that looks poisonous rather than delicious.

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Just playing Devil’s advocate…

If this school zone is “asthma free,” then why can’t I idle here?  No one has asthma, right?  It’s an asthma free school zone, per the poorly-worded sign.

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