Previous Posts - Roundabout Logic

Shaggy Is Not A Skilled Defense Attorney…

busted 2

 

Many of you have probably heard the 1990s hit song “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy, which begins with Shaggy’s friend desperately seeking out Shaggy’s advice on how to resolve a troublesome situation.

According to his initial statement, Shaggy’s friend was at home — petting, fondling, and ultimately penetrating his female neighbor “butt naked… on the bathroom floor” — until his girlfriend returned home unexpectedly, catching him in the act.  Overwhelmed by this veritable budussy tornado, his girlfriend expresses her displeasure with his unfaithful actions and demands an explanation.  He asks Shaggy how to respond.

Shaggy advises, very matter-of-factly, “Say it wasn’t you.”  After about 1.5 seconds, his friend goes, “Alriiiiiight…”  He took basically zero convincing.  He didn’t even wait to hear Shaggy’s other ideas for how to get out of this jam.  He jumped on that very first idea almost immediately, even though it’s an absolutely preposterous statement and, frankly, an insult to her intelligence.  Did you really think your girlfriend would be fine with it and just drop the topic after you responded to her legitimate concern about your commitment level by claiming that ain’t you?  C’mon, man.

There’s really no wiggle room here.  “It’s not what it looks like” probably isn’t gonna cut it.  I mean, she literally entered his apartment, WHERE HE LIVES, and walked in on a guy, who looks EXACTLY like him, intercoursing with the girl next door.  It doesn’t really get any more straightforward than that.  It’s not like she heard some bullshit rumor that he cheated from a friend of a friend of a friend; she physically witnessed his infidelity, like 10 seconds ago.

Also, as a quick side-note — the intro to the song suggests that this event occurred very recently, like within the past hour… so how the hell did he get to Shaggy’s house to ask him for his advice, amid this major argument with his girlfriend?  She’s like, “Explain yourself, asshole!”  And I guess he’s like, “Hold that thought,” then runs out of his apartment and drives over to Shaggy’s place to seek out advice?

There are some serious inconsistencies here, and I plan on getting to the bottom of it…

Comment->

Attn: Twitter Community (URGENT)

past tense

Grammar question — Is twat the past tense of the verb ‘tweet’?

If not, can we make it so, effective immediately?  We look forward to hearing from you.  In fact, we are anxiously awaiting your response, Twitter folks.

 

Comment->

eBook Shaming (Tough Love)

Intentionally Blank

Don’t brag about intentionally leaving the page blank if it requires you to make that announcement on the allegedly blank page.  I’m legitimately concerned you don’t actually know what a blank page is.

Comment->

 

This Is A Step In The Right Direction For TV Programming

Do you see what that says?  Only interested viewers have the opportunity to watch this show.  Based on this program description, people who are uninterested do not even have the ability to view Shane Untamed.  But what’s unfortunate is that we will never be able to confirm whether or not an uninterested viewer is actually physically able to watch this show.  Think about it—if a person originally not interested decides to watch the show, even just for a few minutes to give it a chance, that person, in theory, would become an “interested viewer”, if only for a few fleeting moments.  Are you following me?  Anyone who opts to watch will then become interested and therefore we cannot disprove that uninterested viewers do not have the opportunity to watch.  Does that even make sense?

Comment->

I Don’t Think You Need To Tell It That You’re Also Going To The Lobby

 

No, that’s definitely a smart thing to do.  The lobby button was already pushed when you walked in, but you needed to be certain.  After all, that little red spot in the middle could have been lit up for some other reason.  For example, the elevator maintenance guy could have been in here earlier, running a test to make sure that the light for the lobby button was working, and he unintentionally left it illuminated once he confirmed it was, in fact, working.

I suppose if that scenario did actually occur, it’d be feasible that the elevator wasn’t already heading for the lobby when you got on.  But if that were, in fact, the case, that would mean that another floor should have also been selected when you walked into the elevator and saw me already inside.  Because if no other floors were selected, and you legitimately thought that the lobby button was lit up for a reason other than me already riding to the lobby, that would imply that I was riding the elevator with no apparent destination.  Are you following my logic?

Comment->

No Need To Read This E-Mail

So they now offer a feature where you are able to label your outgoing e-mails as “low importance”?   Ummmmmm… okay.  I get unimportant e-mails all the time.  In fact, I’d venture to say that the vast majority of e-mails I receive are, in fact, low importance e-mails.  It’s just that no one ever discloses beforehand that they are sending a low importance e-mail.

Seriously though, if you think about it, this is a pointless feature.  By default, e-mails are not assigned an importance level, and if your e-mail really were so unimportant, you’d just casually send it without even bothering to check off its importance.  If you are willing to put in the effort of assigning an importance level to your e-mail in the first place, the e-mail must at least be of SOME importance.  So essentially, e-mails that have a low importance designation may, in fact, have more importance than emails with no importance indicator.  Conversely, most people send e-mails of high importance without necessarily indicating a high importance level.  So ultimately, your unlabeled e-mails could either be of high importance or no importance whatsoever, and the low importance e-mails are, in fact, of modest importance.  You, sir, have failed.

Comment->

Special Thanks To Craig Cohen for exploring the many ins and outs of his e-mail program.

%d bloggers like this:
Skip to toolbar