What’s The Next Generation Of Middle Schoolers Gonna Watch When They Stay Home Sick From School?

Wow, Identigene.  You guys totally stole Jerry Springer’s thunder with this technological development.  His TV program is no longer necessary.  Now, anyone with like 35 bucks can conduct a do-it-yourself paternity test in the comfort of his/her own dining room.  Sure, the bathroom or even the living room would be a more sensible choice than the dining room, but hey, this is YOUR paternity test, and you can do as you damn well please.  You can even set up rows of folding chairs for an audience of family, friends, and/or arbitrary strangers who might be interested in watching some good ole’ fashioned family drama unfold right before their eyes.

I wonder if customers ever stock up on these bad boys, like 10 at a time.  It’d be fun to accumulate a surplus of paternity tests and then just walk around testing yourself against random children on the sidewalk, to check if maybe I’ve got a kid out there or something.  You never know…

This all made more sense right before I typed it.


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