Ed Sheeran A Heartless Monster, According To Heartbroken Old Lady

 mean-old-lady

 

“Baby, I… will be loving you… till we’re 70…” — Ed Sheeran

 

But, ummm… Ed, buddy, what exactly happens once you reach age 70?  Are you gonna be like, “Well, my verbal commitment has now expired” and just leave?  Despite the undeniably catchy melody for “Thinking Out Loud,” your lyrics suggest that you plan to abruptly abandon your family (including the children that you likely will have created over the course of the past few decades, the pre-70 decades).  This is the year 2016, when many people live well into their 80s or even 90s… so professing to love someone until you’re 70 kinda sounds like you are preemptively setting the stage for a devastating breakup 40-50 years from now.  This is not the pre-penicillin era, homeboy.  70 isn’t that impressive anymore.

 

IN SUMMARY:  Based on the lyrics to his famous hit song, Ed Sheeran plans to hit it and quit it.

 

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