Cinnamon?! Are you fucking kidding me? This is an outrage.
When I pop a beautiful red jelly bean into my mouth, I expect to be delighted by the tender caress of sweet cherry goodness upon my taste buds. From time to time, however, I get blindsided by the harsh sting of cinnamon, which is absolutely terrifying for a second or two. And to be honest, I actually quite like cinnamon. The issue here is the expectation of cherry, shattered abruptly by the pungent shock of non-consensual cinnamon. It ruins the entire jelly bean experience and makes me doubt my candy selection abilities and, in turn, myself, as a man. I’ve been bait-and-switched by cherry’s ugly cousin, cinnamon, on multiple traumatizing occasions.
Enough is enough. It’s time that we, as a society, organize and finally do the right thing, the sensible thing — make cinnamon jelly beans brown. That’s right… BROWN. You know, like the color of fucking cinnamon. I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands of red cherries in my life and a grand total of zero red cinnamon sticks.
Make the cinnamon jelly beans brown. Does anyone know who’s in charge of jelly beans?