Okay little third graders… Please defecate, and then immediately pick up this plastic bathroom pass that you placed on the psmatiste-infested floor while you did your business. Don’t even bother washing your hands, because let’s be honest, it won’t make a difference once you grasp this restroom pass that is saturated with the excretions of American youth. If I had any common sense back then, I would have just held it in until 2:45 when school was over. I knew that my parents didn’t institute the same policy at home, so I could relieve myself without also having to handle the excrement cocktail that is an elementary school bathroom pass.
Special Thanks To Corey Witt for somehow ending up somewhere that required him to use a bathroom pass.