Tell the truth, ma’am** — you legitimately believe that your bag is more important than I am. It’s true, isn’t it?
OMG, it is. It’s true. In your heart, you truly feel that your purse — a strappy leather sack containing tissues, gummy bears, maybe some Tylenol — actually DOES take priority over me, a fellow human being. Remarkable.
No no, don’t be silly… you have nothing to apologize for. It looks like a really terrific bag. A good bag. A respectable bag, that clearly deserves its own seat on this completely packed train. The kind of bag that probably spent most of his Saturday helping his mother learn how to use a series of increasingly fancy Emojis on her iPhone today.
No, wait… that’s me. I’m the one who spent over three hours teaching Emojis to mom on a Saturday. Me. Not your esteemed bag, okay? ME. So, with all due respect, please relocate your bag to a more bag-appropriate spot, while I settle into my seat. Thank you.
**Sorry not sorry for using the sarcastic “ma’am.”