I’m An Innocent Man


My, my, my… that is a lot of urine.  I’d clean it up, but it’s not mine!  It is the urine of another man.

But I’m at a friend-of-a-friend’s house party, and there are a few ladies waiting for the bathroom right now.  They’re out there in the hallway, chatting amongst themselves and waiting to void their respective bladders.  So they’re definitely gonna notice the large central globules of pee, as well as the abundant misty urine on the periphery of the toilet seat, and they’ll probably assume it was me with the runaway urethra.  I now have 3 choices:

  1. Clean up a hearty portion of another man’s filthy urine
  2. Be framed for peeing on the seat when, in fact, my stream was incredibly accurate
  3. Leave the urine where it is, and immediately upon exiting the bathroom, declare loudly that I was not responsible for the drenched toilet seat

Not an enviable position to be in.


Special Thanks To Corey Witt for thinking about pee often enough to come up with this idea.

2 Responses to “I’m An Innocent Man”

  1. Evan says:

    DAMMIT Blake! Did you pee all over our toilet seat to take that picture….

  2. anon'06 says:

    the solution to this quandary is incredibly simple – lift up the toilet lid that’s there to be utilized for sitting, so it looks like you are a thoughtful guy who always lifts up the lid before taking a piss. You should have done this in any case not to be a jerk, but of course the pre-existing pee would have put you off taking this age-old, customary measure. However, having already peed, and with girls waiting outside, your best bet is to grab a hefty chunk of toilet tissue, lift the lid back, then flush the tissue down to drown the evidence. You can also use your foot (covered by a shoe), to push back the lid without use of hands. The key here is to do it in an inaudible manner – otherwise you’ll give away the game. good luck, brave soul!!

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