A Germophobe’s Guide To Handling Life: It’s Like A Bulletproof Vest, Only Not At All

Why the hell do we even bother constructing these “protective” coverings?  I mean, I’m totally guilty of this; in fact, I do it every time I have to sit on a toilet seat in a public lavatory.  But it’s completely ridiculous.  Oh damn, a thin paper forcefield… take that, infectious bacteria!

Presumably, we lay down this porous paper shield because we think that there are some kind of dangerous microbes on the toilet seat that can give us diseases simply by making contact with our butt skin.  While I can’t verify whether or not that’s true, I pose this question to you: do you really think that some bacteria or virus that’s dangerous enough to infect us solely through direct ass cheek contact would actually be stopped by a permeable layer of toilet paper?  We’re not even talking about the sturdy, durable bath tissue I purchase for my sensitive rear end.  We’re talking about public shitter toilet paper.  You know the stuff… meat-and-potatoes TP, probably of the sandpaper variety.  Drops of water soak right through this thing, yet we build these disposable barricades because for some reason, we’ve convinced ourselves that this is the best line of defense against contracting tuberculosis.

Regardless, next time I use a public restroom, I bet I’ll still make one.

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One Response to “A Germophobe’s Guide To Handling Life: It’s Like A Bulletproof Vest, Only Not At All”

  1. Feldatron says:

    OBVIOUSLY you need to do a swipe to clear the surface before you lay down the paper field. That at LEAST guards you from the dropplets.

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