It’s Okay Because I’m Pretty Sure It Comes Out In The Washing Machine


Am I a dick for not warning the waiter? Should I leave him a note or something?

“Enclosed, please find a medium-to-large glob of my mucus.  Thanks.”

However, as bad as I feel about it, I’ll only do this because it’s not my cloth napkin, so I don’t have to deal with the aftermath.  That, and I’m leaving in like two minutes.  I’ll just put it on my plate, and they’ll think the contents of the napkin are just the remnants of my guacamole.

No one’s looking… I can totally get away with this.  I mean, if I were really concerned, I could totally combine a blow with a cough.  That way, I could disguise the trumpet-like cadence of my nose blows.  But I’m not even concerned, so I’m just gonna blow.  I’m not gonna do a full-on drill-blow to loosen that real substantial stuff in the rear.  I’m just gonna do a light putter-blow to cast out some of the liquids near the tip and take the edge off.  Know what I’m saying, ladies?


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