Mature Adult Wipes For Grown-Ups

 

BABY wipes?  Excuse you, creator of the Pure ‘n Gentle brand.  There’s no reason why adults shouldn’t be able to use this delightful product.  We defecate too, ya know?  And last I checked, there are multiple uses for alcohol-free, fragrance-free cleaning wipes.  Moreover, the wipes have aloe and Vitamin E… I LOVE aloe and Vitamin E!

Apparently, society feels that only babies are entitled to proper hygiene and unscratched buttholes, which is why no “adult wipes” have hit the shelves.  If, hypothetically, I wanted to hypothetically buy some wipes for myself (hypothetically), I might wind up doing something silly, like pretending to have a baby at home, just so I don’t have to feel embarrassed at the drug store while making the purchase.  You have no idea how many packages of diapers I’ve bought as backup proof, for the line of people at the Rite Aid cashier, that the wipes are for my fictional baby and not, in fact, for me.  Other wipe-hiding strategies have been employed in the past, as well.

Well, you know what, society?  I’m tired of living a lie.  If using a fresh, soapy, aloe-and-Vitamin E-infused towelette to clean my bottom is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right.  Wipes for everyone!  Down with chafing!  Yes we can!  Yes we can!

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