Metal Trap Door On The Sidewalk, Why Are You So Angry?

As DeAngelo walked along the sidewalk, he thought, “Gosh, it’s so wonderful outside today, with the sun shining and the children playing and the birds chirping somewhere (probably).  I’m gonna enjoy this walk around the neighborhood, wearing my supercool bright blue sneakers with my hoodie unzipped almost all the way down cuz I just don’t give a fuck.  Gotta love the outdoors and the glorious splendor of—WHOA, WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT?! “

That, DeAngelo, was one of those metal trap doors on the sidewalk, my friend.  You just unknowingly stepped on it while walking, and it totally startled you… you and the five people in your general vicinity on the sidewalk.  Everyone is kinda staring at you right now, but it’s not 100% your fault that the two metal flaps dipped downward when you stepped on the trap door, creating a shockingly loud noise.  Sure, you could’ve just avoided the trap door altogether, but where’s the fun in that?  Part of the thrill of walking down a NYC street is the possibility that a flimsy metal trap door might buckle under the weight of your body, resulting in a life-changingly loud crash-type noise.

Does anyone know what the hell I’m talking about?


Special Thanks To Jon Salik for taking part in this photograph despite his traumatic history of being thrown to the ground by someone emerging from an underground storage unit through a metal sidewalk trap door, at the exact moment that Jon was stepping on it. True story.

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