The Appendix of the Elevator

I think it’s totally possible that door-close buttons aren’t even hooked up to the elevator.  The door has to close anyway.  Just like the button at a crosswalk… the traffic light inevitably changes, but did you impact it at all by fingering that skanky button?  Probably not, and on top of that, you almost certainly just contracted asthma.

In conclusion, door-close buttons are like The Male Nipple—small, round, and 1-inch in diameter.  The Male Nipple can be rubbed, fondled and/or pressed, but ultimately, it only serves decorative purposes.  Also, don’t touch the button at a crosswalk (on account of contracting asthma).

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