Things To Consider For Your Next Dinner Party

 

What exactly is the proper etiquette to serve myself a portion of grapes from this lovely fresh fruit platter?  I have tongs, so grabbing some honeydew is simple, same with the strawberries and the few scraps of cantaloupe hiding in the back.  But, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a reason that no one’s touched these here grapes, and it’s not because people don’t like grapes (which, on a side note, is why there’s so much honeydew left – it’s clearly an inferior melon).  People love grapes.  People always want grapes.

The reason is because no one knows what the hell to do with the grapes!  There are two bunches of grapes there.  Do I take one entire bunch?  That’d make me look like selfish asshole.  Am I supposed to lift the accumulation of grapes with the tongs and then pick off the grapes individually by hand?  I really have no idea.  Maybe I’m supposed to somehow rip the vine (that is a vine, right?) somewhere in the bushel and take a mini accumulation of attached grapes.  But those things are so hard to tear, and people are gonna see me doing it and then frown upon me for handling all the grapes.  Next time, if you care about your guests, you’ll serve your grapes pre-separated.

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