This Guy Has The Biggest D*ck I’ve Ever Seen

Really, dude?  You’re supposed to be my friend.  You actually think that by coming over here and saying that to her, you’re helping me out?  We were having a great conversation about how I never take the top lid when I buy my morning coffee, and you have to come over and tell her that?  I think she actually liked me before you crept up on her, but now she probably just feels weird and dirty.

We both know I never do stupid shit like that to you.  When I see you talking to a lady at a bar, I walk over and act like a motherfuckin’ gentleman.  “Oh, pleasure to meet you Denise,” and then maybe I’ll kiss the back of her hand.  Perhaps I’ll give her an overly-enthusiastic hug, and I’ll hold it for 3 or 4 seconds too long and tell her what a great hugger she is. Those are kinds of things you’ll get from me.  So think about that next time you see me talking to a little blonde hottie, okay?  Don’t come over, even to say something complimentary about my genitalia.  Lemme just talk to the hottie.


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