We’ve All Done This Before, Right? This Wasn’t Just Me?

“So Larissa is reading the paragraph on red pepper or cayenne,” thought Finley, as he sat in his 6th grade home economics class.   Finley knew the pattern Mrs. Durante used when they read aloud in class.  “So that means Ellen is reading lemon juice, Collin is reading fresh herbs, and I’m reading… prepared mustard!! YES!!!  Longest paragraph on the page, baby!  Wine, brandy and other alcoholic beverages is the same number of lines, but look! My last line stretches just a little bit further.  And on the third line, I’ll get to say the word Dusseldorf.  I love that word!  Really sucks for Ellen, getting jipped with lemon juice.  Fuckin’ one liner.  She’s probably so pissed right now.

“Fuck.  What if Mrs. Durante tells Ellen to read fresh herbs too?  Then I would lose prepared mustard!  And Ellen is such a goodie goodie that she’s probably gonna make a sad face and act all befuddled to campaign for another paragraph.  That’s such classic Ellen!  And Mrs. Durante is such a pushover that she’s gonna give it to her.  Unbelievable.  I’m gonna lose prepared mustard and get stuck with… grated lemon and orange rind?! Are you kidding me?!?! It’s three lines!  Second shortest on the page!!  Don’t do it Durante! One paragraph person!” thought Finley.


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